xoxo_tink3rbell_xoxo's Xanga

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 22:47:48 GMT

yooo so i got mii new layout!! woooot its so freekin awesome. yeah jess is home now. yay!! woOoOoOoOoOot! i miss her tho. i havent seen her since... the 4th of july. damnit there i go agen triggerin memeries that i shood jus forget bout. yeah anyways. Dhs is gettin better everyday. ive made quite a bit of new frends so i mean shoot i might as well enjoy it. bc next yr. im riding to ELHS with Nick.wOoOoOoOt! there isnt any way i wanna stay at Dhs but until then im tryen to make the best of it. next monday tuesday nd wednesday im stayin after with mii *nEw* frend nicole nd we're tryen out for the step team. they dont have a dance team. so i have to go to the next best thing. it shood be fun. just hope the coach isnt prejudice considerin i think more black girls are tryen out rather than white but oh well. i hope i make it. i shall see. neways byebye

-ash

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 18:30:53 GMT

the email from richard to kayla urgh he blamed all that shit on me! he can die

SexiDaddy07: hey baby. ok, theres something i need to tell you. firstly i want to say that everything that people are saying lately about me and ashley are NOT true. I swear to God everything they have said lately isnt true. and baby, PLEASE read all of this email. i know youre going to just want to stop in the middle and come kill me but baby please read the whole thing. omg this is so hard. kayla i also want to tell you that i love you with all my heart and soul. i really do. ive never loved anyone as much as i love you and i never will. ok another thing i have to say before i tell you this is that i dont like ashley AT ALL. not one bit. never have. i never liked her and i never will because you are the only girl for me. OK well i understand if you dont want to talk to me anymore after this kayla. i hope youll forgive me because i have no idea what i would do without you. Ok well here it goes. When i first found out that you werent going to come down here i got really upset. I reallllly wanted to see you. And i thought that because you werent comming and i wouldnt get to see you that you wouldnt want to go out with me anymore. People kept telling me that and so i thought it was true. Well anyways i thought you were going to break up with me. Now this was after ashley did that thing at the movies that one time. Anyways im just going to say it. Kayla, i kissed ashley after the time she kissed me at the movies. Baby i am so sorry. You have no idea how bad i wanted to tell you. But you were just going through soooo much and i didnt want to add more to you. But i thought you were going to break up with me and i was really depressed so i dont know. And then i saw her at nicks house one time and she kissed me again. It wasnt like a long kiss or anything. But then after that i called you one night and after we started talking, i asked you if you were going to break up with me since you werent going to get to see me and then you said no. And then you swore that you wouldnt so i knew you werent lying to me. So then after i realized that you werent going to break up with me, i told ashley that we had to stop going places together and stuff. Kayla, sweetheart i SWEAR on my LIFE i wouldnt have done ANY of this if i knew you werent going to break up with me. I thought i was going to lose you. That is the ONLY reason i let her do that stuff. Ok once again what those people have been saying lately IS NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT true i SWEAR. I would tell you. Baby i know you are going to be pissed at me. And i know ive hurt you. Thats the LAST thing that i wanted to do. So kayla i understand if you dont want to be my girlfriend anymore but baby i swear to God thats not what i want. I want to be with you forever. Im just saying that i understand if you dont want to be with me anymore. I REALLY REALLY DEEPLY SINCERELY hope that you will still love me after this kayla because i am never going to stop loving you. I SWEAR i wont EVER do ANYTHING to hurt you ever again. Because now i know that you really want to be with me. But kayla omg you have no idea how much i wanted to tell you. It was like killing me. I wanted to cry every time we were on the phone. But you had all this stuff with the doctors and your mom and i didnt want to make it worse. But i realized last night that the longer i waited to tell you the worse it was going to be. Kayla if you are going to break up with me, which i hope NEVER happens, i want you to know that the past eight months have been heaven to me. Kayla you have no idea how much youve done for me. Ask anyone i know, i am soooooo much better now than i was before we started talking. Kayla you are DEFINATELY the best thing that has ever happened to me. And i still love you with all my heart and i always will. Kayla I have never been more sorry in all my life. I know that being sorry isnt going to change anything. But i am. Kayla, you just have no idea how much you mean to me. And kayla, if you do decide to break up with me, i want you to know that my feelings for you will never die and I REALLY hope you wont stop talking to me all together. I mean I understand if you do but im just telling you that id die if i didnt get to at least be friends with you. But i know thats probably not what you want. But kayla everything ive EVER told you relating to how i feel about you and what i want for us in the future is 100% true. I NEVER lied about loving you or wanting to marry you and have a family together. I also understand if you arent going to break up with me but you dont want to talk to me for a while. I feel like the most horrible person in the entire world kayla. But i also didnt lie about the reason i did that. Kayla if i would have known you werent going to break up with me i wouldnt have even started talking to ashley. If you do break up with me i want you to know that you also made me such a better person. And if it wasnt for you, i might not be here right now so thank you kayla. But please dont leave me. I wasnt going to beg you to stay because i didnt want to make you feel guilty so i swear thats not what im trying to do. But please kayla. If you leave i swear i dont know what im going to do. I just i cant live without you kayla. THere is no way that i can go back to not being with you. I dont know how. I dont know how i did it before. Kayla you are such an enormous part of my life and i really want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please dont leave me kayla. Omg just dont know what im going to do without you. These past eight, almost nine, months have been the best of my entire life. I have been about fifty times happier than i ever have before. And i know that if you give me another chance i can make you happy too. I just want whatever makes you happy kayla. Thats all i care about. So if being with me isnt going to make you happy then i understand kayla. I just really want that with all my heart. I want to be the one that wipes away your tears when you are crying, not the one that makes you cry. Kayla you are my everything. Since the day we started going out thats how its been. And that is how it is always going to be. Even if you decide that im not who you want to be with. I am never going to find someone else thats anywhere near to being as good as you kayla. OMG please dont leave me kayla. You mean too much to me. Well i guess ill go now. Before i go i want you to know that you are always going to have aplace in my heart kayla. No one will ever be able to take your place. I love you honey. I always will.
Christian

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 13:58:38 GMT

im so fuckin tired of caring about ppl nd tryin to make them see wut is goin on rite in front of them but no they wont listen so w.e i give up yall im tired of carin bout ppl nd then it not be appreciated so ill go back to the girl who never gives a fuck k?

-ash

Friday, August 13, 2004

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 00:22:22 GMT

im in such a bad mood rite now its like blah .. last nite some1 IMed kayla richards gf nd was sayin me nd him were doin "things" nd i havent even seen him since the 4th of july weekend so its kind of impossible ya know?! yeah so i dont think he believes its not me that IMed her but i didnt bc for 1) i cud care less about if they stay together or not i dont like him like that anymore so it does not matter to me 2) i didnt have the id they IMed her on 3) she has EVERYONE who isnt on her buddy list blocked so how cud any1 IM her?! it has to be her friends or i think personally since she knows about wut he did do this summer she made it look like some1 IMed her nd sed that stuff nd so she wud have reason to break up with him .. plus its like one day his away message is like "please pray for mii baby to get better" then like the exact next day his away message sed "YAY MII BABY IS GONNA BE OK!!!" then like 2 days later it was back to "pray for mii baby she isnt ok please yall pray for her" i mean shit wut she has doesnt go away and come back nd go away agen that fast .. sorrie it just doesnt i think she is trying to get rid of him without like having to say "hey look i dont wanna be with u nemore" but w.e thats just me

NEWAYS

ok so yeah like over the past maybe two yrs i keep having this dream i get married but like i cannot see their face .. but i can tell u wut they look like they have like tanned skin they are tall brown hair brown eyes but cant see their face ... so like then mii mom was like "wen ur a senior ima fix u up with this guy .. ((ive seen wut he looks like)) nd its mii moms co workers 19 yr old son so like ill be 18 nd he will be like 22 nd like yeah .. funnie thing is .. is that like this 19 yr old like PERFECTLY fits the dude in mii dream but yeah i felt like telling the ppl who read this that so w.e but yeah i just ya know found it weird!! anyways bye

-ash

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 01:06:33 GMT

alright wut to write in here im not exactly sure really ya know?! where to start with how i feel rite now ..? well last nite i realized that i wood not be alive if i didnt have the ppl that need me in mii life .. i cood really care less if im alive or not serously but the only real reason i am is bc some ppl do need me .. so i stay here even if it hurts me .. i put mii frends before mii self nd make them happie before i even think about making mii self happie wut so ever .. they are important to me nd if they are happie .. there is a sense of happiness in me bc they are happie if that all makes sense .. i have jess nick maggie eddie richard nd ben .. i thought i had mii sister but i dont know her anymore really .. she has changed so much this yr nd everytime i tell her that its the same thing she thinks she hasnt .. but it dont matter anymore im tired of worrying about some1 who when i tell them how i feel they think its wrong or stupid or they dont understand so i give up on her .. im very hurt ya know but w.e im always hurt by something .. its bc i live the life i live ya know? thats just how it goes ... i just realized some things last nite while talking to richard .. i dont feel like typing it so just read wut i sed k?

punkyangel 609: if you learn anything about me at all

punkyangel 609: its that i dont say things i dont mean

SexiDaddy07: ashley

punkyangel 609: and if i do im usually fighting with the person but when its over

punkyangel 609: i tell them i didnt mean it

punkyangel 609: hmm

SexiDaddy07: you are truly one of a kind

SexiDaddy07: if there were more people that had that attitude

SexiDaddy07: this world would be a better place

punkyangel 609: its a start .. if there is anything i do right its i try and make every1 else happie before miiself

punkyangel 609: because

punkyangel 609: if i cud stop

punkyangel 609: any1

punkyangel 609: from dealing with everything i deal

punkyangel 609: with

punkyangel 609: i wud

punkyangel 609: in a heartbeat

punkyangel 609: bc even tho things like that make you stronger

punkyangel 609: all you can do is look at it as tho urself doesnt matter nemore

punkyangel 609: its every1 around u

punkyangel 609: who u care about

punkyangel 609: the most

punkyangel 609: so to miiself

punkyangel 609: if i didnt have ppl to worry about

punkyangel 609: or try and make happie

punkyangel 609: i cud care less if i lived or not

SexiDaddy07: wow

SexiDaddy07: thats something you dont hear every day

punkyangel 609: well thats how i see mii life

punkyangel 609: because

punkyangel 609: the only thing keeping me here

punkyangel 609: is jess maggie nick eddie mii sister and u thats it

punkyangel 609: and i cant die

punkyangel 609: because

punkyangel 609: i have jess

punkyangel 609: to worry about

punkyangel 609: and help

punkyangel 609: i cudnt kill miiself knowing i wud be leaving her behind

punkyangel 609: bc she wudnt make it

punkyangel 609: maggie wud make it

punkyangel 609: but i know she needs me here

punkyangel 609: nd nick

punkyangel 609: i know he needs me here

punkyangel 609: to stop him from making stupid choices

punkyangel 609: mii sister def needs me here

punkyangel 609: even tho she never listens to me

punkyangel 609: mii best frend eddie

punkyangel 609: i know i cant leave him

punkyangel 609: if it werent for me

punkyangel 609: he wudnt be alive today

punkyangel 609: and i cudnt commit suicide

SexiDaddy07: wow

punkyangel 609: knowing that like if i did

punkyangel 609: he wud die too

punkyangel 609: and u

punkyangel 609: i know you went through a lot

punkyangel 609: this summer

punkyangel 609: with everything

punkyangel 609: nd how much i care about you

punkyangel 609: and i had an awesome summer

punkyangel 609: but i know

punkyangel 609: how things can make you feel

punkyangel 609: and how they affect you

punkyangel 609: whether you show it or not

punkyangel 609: specially after hering about the bike

punkyangel 609: i cudnt leave u here either

punkyangel 609: i wud be afraid that u wud do wut u told me u wud do

punkyangel 609: leave

punkyangel 609: and go somewhere

punkyangel 609: nd leave every1 behind

SexiDaddy07: thank you ashley

SexiDaddy07: well there isnt anybody to leave behind but you

SexiDaddy07: but i gotta go

SexiDaddy07: ill ttyl ok? thanks again for at least talking to me

punkyangel 609: well i wudnt want u to leave

punkyangel 609: i do have purpose here

punkyangel 609: if it werent u for

SexiDaddy07: later but not now ok? i love you

punkyangel 609: did u talk to her

SexiDaddy07: yes i did

punkyangel 609: good

SexiDaddy07: thank you ashley

SexiDaddy07: youve helped a lot

SexiDaddy07: i think

SexiDaddy07: maybe this time

SexiDaddy07: maybe

SexiDaddy07: we will fix things

SexiDaddy07: all cause of you

SexiDaddy07: thank you so much

punkyangel 609: good i want yall too

SexiDaddy07: ill brb ok?

punkyangel 609: well i g2g

punkyangel 609: i just wanted to see if you talked to her

punkyangel 609: and i hope yall become friends

SexiDaddy07: alrighty

punkyangel 609: bc it wud make me really happie

punkyangel 609: so ill ttyl

SexiDaddy07: thank you so much

punkyangel 609: good nite

punkyangel 609: your welcome

SexiDaddy07: sweet dreams

punkyangel 609: u2

punkyangel 609: bye

i realized that the ppl that need me keep me here nd if i didnt have ppl that needed me here i cud care less if i live or not ..

richard - i kno things happened this summer but i do still care about you .. nd i hope we stay frends ya know? i cant leave u here bc the fear of u leaving every1 behind nd i mean like when out of no where i wud just ask u wut is wrong even if u acted perfectly fine .. nd there was always something wrong .. i cant leave bc no matter how much u smile nd something is wrong i see past ur smile thats wut a true frend can do .. see through it all nd kno something is wrong! u r awesome!! if things get rough at home u kno where i am if u need me!! just dont get on ur bike please .. that scares me a lot bc i dont want u to leave ppl behind even if u say im the only one u wud be leaving behind .. u kno there are more ppl that u wud be leaving behind .. nd i never like seeing u hurt nd i dont want kayla to hurt u wut so ever .. but since u kno she eventually will let you go im always here for u when nd if she does .. u kno the number nd the sn so just come to me .. nd even if u dont tell me ill still know somethin is wrong!

-ash

Monday, August 09, 2004

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 00:19:55 GMT

hey!! im bored rite now so i thought i wood like fill whoever reads this thing in on wut happened yesterday .. ok so like me nd mii dad go up to this stand where they sell faceplates for cell phones nd this guy was like wat kind of phone u have nd i told him nd he was like well wats ur fave colors nd i told him blue nd pink so he takes ALL the cell phone face plates for mii phone out nd he saw this turqoise one nd was like how about turqoise nd he took it out of the package nd put it on mii phone nd im sittin here thinking ur not suppose to take it out of the package just so some1 can see wut it looks like on their phone nd he was like it looks good on ur phone its a good color for u i like the way it glows nd i was like omg here is a guy hitting on me in front of mii dad!!!! it was funnie but he scared me like woah!! anyways thats all i was gonna write for now! jess is in ohio rite now she will go to ny tomorrow!! haha she is in the same state as kayla HAHAHAH!!! she was like if i see her ima straight up cuss her out nd kick her ass! hahahah! anyways bye yall

-ash

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 00:22:10 GMT

walkin down the halls of a new skool nd seein ur shadow in the shiny floor is all a place of hell .. walkin to ur new classes nd seein the new ppl is all a place of hell .. walkin down the hall wonderin wen life will give u a break is all a place of hell .. keepin ur words to urself nd thinkin 'wut did i do to deserve this heartbreak'? is all a place of hell .. walkin to the bus thinkin u get to go home but then seein things that remind u of the best summer of ur life is all a place of hell .. i do these things everyday wen is it gonna end?! either life or the roughness i live nd deal with each nd everyday?! wen can i find me somethin i like, love wate i dont know wut that means nemore, or want nd be able to keep it? movin around ((6 times)) in ur life gettin used to new surroundings nd new ppl .. it all can leave a girl scarred for life nd scared of wut is to come because i live a life expecting the worse because that is wut has come to me .. scars to show u wut life is like .. 15 scars where deep penetration to the skin was made .. left arm .. left leg .. scar tissue showin where they were made .. safety pins do a lot really .. ice burns .. salt nd ice burn the skin .. 2 of those on the left arm .. heartbreak can destroy u but that is not wut caused it .. but in the end it caused other destroying things .. goodbye now

ana is draining the life out of me slowly .. im fading

¤ash a.k.a aNa mArIa¤

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 18:55:43 GMT

"Leave (Get Out)"

I've been waiting all day for ya babe
So won't cha come and sit and talk to me
And tell me how we're gonna be together always
Hope you know that when it's late at night
I Hold on to my pillow tight
And think of how you promised me forever
(I never thought that anyone)
Could make me feel this way
(Now that you're here boy all I want)
Is just a chance to say

[Chorus]
Get Out, (leave) right now,
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone
'Cause I know about her (who) and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies
You said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)

Tell me why you're looking so confused
When I'm the one who didn't know the truth
How could you ever be so cold
To go behind my back and call my friend
Boy you must have gone and bumped your head
Because you left her number on your phone
(So now after all is said and done)
Maybe I'm the one to blame but
(To think that you could be the one)
Well it didn't work out that way

[Chorus]

I wanted you right here with me but I have no choice you've gotta leave
Because my heart is breakin'
With every word I'm sayin'
I gave up everything I had
On something that just wouldn't last
But I refuse to cry
No tears will fall from these
Eyeee-eeee-eeees
Ooooh, ooooh
Get out

[Chorus X3]

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 02:28:42 GMT

-I Love You-
I thank God he sent you to me,
For you and I were meant to be.
We have a bond too strong to break,
We have a love no one can take.
In you, I have found a love so true,
My heart is filled with love for you.
Every time I see you, my heart skips a beat,
You make my life whole, you make my life complete.
My love for you grows more with each passing day,
The thought of your gorgeous face takes my breath away:
Those brown eyes fill my soul with happiness,
Those luscious lips I love to kiss.
The day when I become your wife,
Will be the happiest day of my life.
Even thinking of that day makes me smile,
I can't wait 'till I walk down that aisle.
I dream of that day when we'll both say, "I do"
For always and forever... I will love you.

i got bored so i looked at poems nd found this one in some1s away message!! so i posted it! anyways i might add some more later!

-ash

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 23:29:31 GMT

DJ, please pick up your phone
I'm on the request line

This is a Missy Elliott one-time exclusive (Come on)

Is it worth it, let me work it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it [backwards 2X]

If you got a big (dick) , let me search ya And find out how hard I gotta work ya
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it [backwards 2X]

I'd like to get to know ya so I could show ya
Put the hurtin on ya like I told ya
Gimme all your numbers so I could phone ya
Your girl actin' stank then call me over
Not on the bed, lay me on your sofa
Phone before you come, I need to shave my cha cha You do or you don't or you will or won't ya
Go downtown and eat it like a vulture
See my hips and big tips, don't ya
See my ass and my lips, don't ya
Lost a few pounds and my whips for ya
This the kinda beat that go ra-ta-ta
Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta
Sex me so good I say blah-blah-blah
Work it, I need a glass of water
Boy, oh, boy, it's good to know ya

Is it worth it, let me work it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it [backwards 2X]

If you got a big (dick) , let me search it
And find out how hard I gotta work ya
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it [backwards 2X]
(Come on)

If you a fly gal get your nails done
Get a pedicure, get your hair did
Boy, lift it up, let's make a toast-a
Let's get drunk, that's gon' bring us closer
Don't I look like a Halle Berry poster
See the Belvedere playin' tricks on ya
Girlfriend wanna be like me, never
You won't find a bitch that's even better
I make you hot as Las Vegas weather
Listen up close while I take it backwards
I'm not a prostitute, but I could give you what you
want
I love your braids and your mouth full of floss
Love the way my ass go bum-bum-bum-bum
Keep your eyes on my bum-bum-bum-bum-bum
And think you can handle this gadong-a-dong-dong
Take my thong off and my ass go vroom
Cut the lights on so you see what I could do

Is it worth it, let me work it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it [backwards 2X]

If you got a big (dick) , let me search it
And find out how hard I gotta work ya
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it [backwards 2X]
(Come on)

Boys, boys, all type of boys
Black, white, Puerto Rican, Chinese boys
Why-thai,-thai-o-toy-o-thai-thai
Rock-thai,-thai-o-toy-o-thai-thai
Girls, girls, get that cash
If it's 9 to 5 or shakin' your a**
Ain't no shame, ladies do your thang
Just make sure you ahead of the game
Just 'cause I got a lot of fame supa
Prince couldn't get me change my name papa
Kunta Kinte a slave again, no sir
Picture black sayin', "Oh, yes a master"
Picture Lil' Kim dating a pastor
Minute Man and Red Man can out last ya
Who is the best, I don't have to ask ya
When I come out you won't even matter
Why you act dumb like "Uh, duh"
So you act dumb like "Uh, duh"
As the drummer boy go ba-rom-pop-pom-pom
Give you some-some-some of this Cinnabun

Is it worth it, let me work it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it [backwards 2X]

If you got a big (dick) , let me search it
And find out how hard I gotta work ya
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it [backwards 2X]
(Come on)

To my fellas
I like the way you work that
To my ladies
You sure know how to work that

this song brings back so manie memories!! from like 8th grade nd the back of the bus! hahahaha! good timez!!